When you just can’t… Don’t

If you are like me, you feel overwhelmed by it all. So what is it all? Because “all” is pretty abstract and encompasses, well…all.

That’s big. It is also black and white. All or nothing. Because even if you have something, something is not all and thus not good enough. Or so we have been made to believe.

Are you so caught up in what you can’t do, that it is inhibiting what you can? I know I get bogged down in that mindset, probably on a daily basis.

I don’t celebrate what I have done or what I can do because I suck at taking compliments. From you, from me, from anyone. Serving my children grilled cheese sandwiches and soup for dinner, and their joy in the crunch of the buttery bread and the silkiness of the soup, was diminished by the thought that I did it wrong, or all the things I could have done better.

When you struggle with executive functioning or cognitive impairment issues often you also have perfectionism tagging along. And it makes it sound so reasonable when we tell ourselves, if we could just focus, remember, or write enough lists then we could actually get it “all” done and it would be done “right.”

Maybe it works for some, maybe it helps them. For me, it’s just another thing for my mind to point at and say, “See! See, you can’t even do this right!”

How many times a day are you kicking yourself? How often does your self talk include should statements? How often are you holding yourself to an unfair and unrealistic standard?

Are you comparing yourself to another blogger? A friend? A partner? A business colleague? A celebrity? Do you actually believe their portrayal of doing it all? Happily and we’ll each and every time? Do you believe that if they faced the exact same challenges you face day in and day out that they could do it “all” and could do it on their own without support? Because no matter how it may appear, what they want you to see and believe, is simply that, a want. It is not reality.

If you’re life has become ruled by lists and apps, if at the end of the day you are self harming by going over every failure, every reason why you aren’t worthy, or any other self abusing thought, then it’s time to learn the hard lesson.

You don’t have to do it “all” and you can’t. It’s that simple, you cannot do it on your own. Something has to give and by this time, it’s usually your self esteem, your self worth, and self love. And there will always be plenty of other voices to agree that you are doing it all wrong and how you can fix it all.

All. What is all? What is your all? Try being specific. Try breaking this concept into bit and pieces, and decide what truly matters to you. You don’t have to do it all. Give yourself permission to stop trying so damn hard, permission to stop killing your mental and emotional well-being.

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