Being Accountable

Not many are aware that I hold a Master degree in Accountancy. My dream was to be a CPA, not to do taxes or help large corporations. My dream was to be an accountant to help those that were struggling financially, had issues with budgeting, and educating people about financial responsibility and accountability.

Life got derailed. I’m not a CPA. I’m not helping others with financial struggles and responsibility. I can barely manage myself in this aspect. Not because I don’t know how, but because my brain just isn’t capable of it now. My issues with dopamine insufficiency and executive functioning disorder have taken a toll. Besides that, I’m on disability now. Which is a whole different story.

  • With executive functioning disorder how do you make yourself accountable for the day to day things you need to do?
  • How do you manage to keep yourself on track?
  • And how do you manage those days when you just can’t figure it all out and can’t be accountable for everything.
  • What do you do when you run out of spoons? The Spoon Theory

In my struggles with my executive function, I have to be accoutable not only to those around me and who need me to function, but also myself and my needs. I’m autistic. I get overwhelmed pretty easily. I also struggle with chronic illness, fatigue, and PTSD. In my day to day I can lost to it all pretty easily. Add to the mix being stressed and frustrated by a brain that isn’t cooperating, especially the way that I was used to it working till I was 28, and knowing I am failing on this whole being COO of the house, I lose more spoons to that.

The key for me seems to be to only focus on a couple things, things I know I can do well, and then give myself plenty of time to build them into a habit/routine. I know its always said that it takes 30 days to build a habit. Well I call bullshit. A habit or a routine can take as long as it takes to build. Especially when your brain is not neurotypical. So rather than getting down on myself because I’m still struggling two months later with part of my routine, I need to have more patience and figure out what part of this task or routine is my trouble spot and tweak it to meet my needs.

Yes, others will have different expectations than your own. You can’t control their expectations.

You can control yours and you can control how you think and what you do. There will always people those who are going to be disappointed by what you can and cannot do. You are not accountable for their issues.

So what are you accountable for?

Well, obviously your own health and wellbeing first and foremost.  Now, how to we meet our needs for health and wellbeing without it either being an excuse or seeming to be an excuse for our not meeting out day to day functioning responsibilties?

Start small. Small goals. Small tasks. Just as with everything else, executive functioning is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. Start with goals that interest you. If you decide that right now you have to keep the entire house clean and you hate dusting or folding clothes or cleaning out the garbage can, you are setting yourself up to fail.

Yes, those around you might wish to see more than you brushing your teeth daily and picking up dirty clothes. Its okay if they are frustrated. They own their frustration. The thing you need to do is to keep brushing your teeth and picking up your clothes, because one day, its going to build into much more. And then, they will see why you started small.

One thing that helps me, is this blog. Being accountable to perfect strangers helps me want to do better. Sure I love my family, but they also take me for granted. I need a wider audience to be accountable to. This is why I’m here. On this forum. If you think you might need that level to help you, give it a shot!

So in the spirit of being accountable for my tasks what did I get done today?

  1. I cooked breakfast and dinner is cooking now. 
  2. I cleaned up my mess from cooking.
  3. I made my bed.
  4. I cleaned the cat litter box.
  5. I brushed my teeth!
  6. I got the kids schools supplies all set up.
  7. I told my husband I loved him.
  8. I cleaned out expired goods from the pantry and frig.
  9. I cleaned my bedroom and bathroom.

No I’m not going for 10 today. I feel good about this. I am proud of me. This met my expectations.

 

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